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The Warden

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Sonja: Di'! I'm making you an outfit!

Di'angelo: Really? What is it?

Sonja: You'll see in a bit...

Di'angelo: Well, right now, I see a LOT of purple over there.

Sonja: Hey, hey, go away for a bit before you spoil the surprise!

Di'angelo: Alright...

[He walks away]

[About an hour later...]

[Di'angelo walks into the Living Room again]

Di'angelo: Are you done yet?

Sonja: [pin in her mouth] Almost...

Di'angelo: [whining] I wanna wear it NOW!

Sonja: Give me 20 more minutes, tops.

Di'angelo: Alright...

[30 minutes later...]

Di'angelo: Okay, I'm back and I waited an extra 10 minutes, so it should be ready by now!

Sonja: Yep, it's done! Now, close your eyes and I'll put it on you!

Di'angelo: Close my eyes? But, I don't like closing my eyes... all I see is darkness. Continuous, neverending, DARKNESS...

Sonja: But, don't you blink...?

Di'angelo: Blink? What's blinking?

Sonja: Uhh... never mind. Just close your eyes for a little bit...

Di'angelo: Okay... but, if I have night terrors, I'm blaming YOU for this.

Sonja: But, you only have those when you're sleep... never mind. I gotta remember who I'm dealing with here.

[Di'angelo closes his eyes and Sonja steps in front of him, blocking the viewer from what she's doing]

Di'angelo: Hey! What are you doing?! Don't put that there! Stop! Wait, that doesn't go THERE either! No, no, no, don't put that in that spot!

Sonja: [stops] You are one of the WORSE people to dress.

Di'angelo: I'm sorry I'm not your average Barbie doll...

[Sonja moves away from him, revealing how he looks]

Di'angelo: Gimme a mirror, I wanna see how terrible you did!

Sonja: [monotone] Wow, thanks for the support. [normal] I've been taking classes with Malti and I thought I'd put my energy into something both that I'd like and you'd like too.  [under breath] ...but I'LL mostly like.

Di'angelo: [sheds tear and wipes it away] That was sweet. Now, gimme a mirror! I bet it'll be a disaster!

Sonja: [scoffs] Fine. [hands him mirror]

Di'angelo: [looks at himself] Whoa. It's actually... pretty good. Great, even.

Sonja: You like it? Like, really like it?

Di'angelo: Yeah, I do.

Sonja: Now, if only I had the glasses...

Di'angelo: Glasses?

Sonja: Yeah, little yellow-orange-mango-peach oval glasses...

Di'angelo: Hmm. *pulls them out of hammerspace* Like these?

Sonja: YES! I'll never know how you do that...

Di'angelo: MAGIC.

Sonja: ...of course.

Di'angelo: Now, with that out of the way... I'M NOW WILLY WONKA! [runs out]

Sonja: Wait... no, you're not...

[Di'angelo runs through BackForest, back to Utopia, but not before tripping and falling on his face]

Di'angelo: Dang it, these tight pants... *rips them off* SWEET FREEDOM! [continues]

[He finally arrives in town and goes up to a random dog]

Di'angelo: Hello there, sir! Do you know who I am? 

Dog: Uhh... a husky?

Di'angelo: DARN RIGHT I AM! But, I'm also Willy Freakin' Wonka, too!

Domino: No, you're not.

Di'angelo: What?

Domino: You're not Willy Wonka. You're The Warden. From Superjail!.

Di'angelo: Oh. [looks unamused]

Domino: Sorry for killing your buzz, but it shows you don't as many cartoons as I thought.

Di'angelo: So, how do YOU know about it?

Domino: Sparki watches it.

Di'angelo: ...figures. Well, when I get the chance, I'll watch it!

Domino: That might not be the best idea... you're kinda impressionable.

Di'angelo: Oh, yeah? Give me ONE time I was copying after a cartoon.

Domino: Okay.

[Family Guy-like flashback starts]

Domino: Hey Di', I need to borrow some suga--

Di'angelo: Don't bother me, I'm fighting aliens!!! *chases after FluffBall with a broom*

FluffBall: I'M NOT AN ALIEN, YOU MANIAC!!!!!!!!

Di'angelo: SHUT UP VILGAX!

[Flashback ends]

Domino: Then, there was the Danny Phantom phase...

[Another flashback]

Domino: Hey Di', I need to borrow some batte--

Di'angelo: I'm fighting ghosts, leave me alone!

Jet: I'm not a ghost, I told you this BEFORE!

Di'angelo: Get back here, Box Ghost!

[Flashback ends]

Domino: And... last but not least, the Sailor Moon phase.

Di'angelo: Wait, wait, my manhood will be deminished if you show THAT one! Okay, I get it, I won't be... this dude.

Domino: Di'angelo, promise me, and I MEAN it, promise me you won't watch Superjail!... it won't be pretty afterwards... or, you'll wet your bed again at night.

Di'angelo: Okay, so I saw Predators ONCE and you had to remind me of that...

[The dog is revealed to have been there the whole time]

Dog: Can I go now...?

Di'angelo: No! I still need you.

Dog: For what?

Di'angelo: I dunno. Things.

Dog: Oh, lookie there, I got gotta go to a meeting!

Di'angelo: You're not even wearing a watch!

Dog: Yes I am! [runs off]

Di'angelo: Look at what you did now, Dom! You made my friend run off!

Domino: You don't even know his name...

Di'angelo: Westley...?

Domino: No. [walks off]

Di'angelo: Is it Bob? I believe it's Bob! No? Jerry? Tom? Earl? None of those?


Di'angelo: I dunno what Domino's so worried about with me watching this show...

[Di'angelo watches Superjail! for the first time]

Di'angelo: This show is AMAZING! So much violence, all of the colors, and that Warden dude... I dunno why, but I like him the MOST... I might even want to be him... I have to watch more of this show! But, it only comes on on Sundays... wait a minute. *pulls the DVDs out of hammerspace* I forgot I could do that.

[In the morning, Di'angelo's passed out on his sofa.]

Domino: [knocks on door] Hey Di', I came by to make sure you didn't watch any adult cartoons last night, especially the exact one you promised me you wouldn't watch!

Di'angelo: [wakes up] Huh...? [looks around his house and notices his house is a wreck] What did I do last night?!

[Flashback starts]

[Di'angelo is seen hyperly running around his house, drinking soda and eating sweet things, boosting his hyperactivity, and pausing at moments to watch the TV.]

Di'angelo: Man, I had fun last night. Thanks, flashback!

Domino: [knocks on door again] Di'? Are you in there? Are you still alive? Hello?

Di'angelo: [frantically looks back and forth] Aw, man, I gotta clean my house up or Dom'll find out what I was doing! Wait, I'm the older brother... why am I scared of Domino? Oh, yeah, he's smarter and [mockingly] more mature than me. [normal] Pfft. Nothing happened. I'm fine.

Domino: [pulls key out of his pocket] Well, I do have this for a reason. [unlocks his door]

[Di'angelo's house is clean and sparkling somehow.]

[Di'angelo pops up in front of Domino]

Domino: DOG! Are you trying to kill me?!

Di'angelo: What? No, I just wanted to say Good Morning to my dear, sweet, little brother and let him know that I wasn't doing ANYTHING wrong last night... [smiles sheepishly]

Domino: You watched Superjail!, didn't you?

Di'angelo: All three seasons, yes.

Domino: Where's the mess? Every time you watch that much TV, you eat a lot.

Di'angelo: There's no me--

[Closet opens, with all of the mess falling out of it]

Di'angelo: WOW! Look at that! Surprise messes! Weird, huh? This neighborhood's getting kinda bad lately, oh, look at the time, I gotta go somewhere! [tries to slam door on Domino, but he catches it]

Domino: What did I tell you? I told you NOT to watch that show, because you'll end up copying after it.

Di'angelo: Me? No way. I'm just a little angel [changes into an angel] I won't copy it at ALL! [closes door].

Domino: 3... 2... 1...

Di'angelo: [behind door] Jailbot! Clean up this mess!

FluffBall: I'm not Jailbot!

Di'angelo: You'll be Jailbot and LIKE it!

[Vase is heard shattering, which means he threw it at FluffBall.]

Domino: Sigh... I'll just let this play out and see what happens from here... I mean, what's the worst to happen? He'll ACTUALLY turn this place into Superjail? Very unlikely... [walks away]

Di'angelo: [revealed to be listening to Domino] That's a GREAT idea!

[Much, much later...]

[Dogs are sitting around Sparki, while he's telling a story]

Sparki: ...okay, so I stuffed this nerd's head in a mailbox--

Di'angelo: [fancy voice] Hello gentlemen!

Dog: What's up with Willy Wonka here?

[Everyone laughs]

Di'angelo: [chuckles] [under breath] Yes, keep laughing, you fools... [normal] Anyway, I can ask you to partake in something with me?

Sparki: Hey, hey, he wants us to go in the Chocolate Factory with him!

Dog 2: Doesn't he know chocolate KILLS dogs?

[All of them roll on the ground in laughter.]

Di'angelo: [serious look on face] Don't upset me. [happy face] Now, who wants to join me?

Sparki: There is NO way I'll involve myself with anything you're doing.

Di'angelo: I see. Well, I'll be back later and you'll have no other choice... [walks off]

Sparki: He's such a weirdo. Now, like I was saying, I gave this nerd a swirly...

[Di'angelo is walking down to Sandie's farm]

Sandie: This is gettin' tirin'. Everyone, let's take a break fer a minute.

Di'angelo: Hello all! Anyone want to help me with something?

Sandie: We would, but the family's all tired... I mean, we have to run a farm ALL on our own.

Di'angelo: [rolling eyes] Yes, I know.

Sandie: What's your problem?

Di'angelo: Nothing, nothing, it's just, all of you said you'd help me whenever possible, yet you guys are denying me and Sparki and those ruffians he hangs out with laughed at me.

Sandie: "Ruffians"? Dude, there's seriously something wrong with you...

Di'angelo: THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME! I just want all of you guys to help me with a project I won't tell any of you about.

Sandie: Well, until you get better, I'll be here on the farm... [backs away from him slowly]

Di'angelo: [calms down] My goodness, what's wrong with me? [walks away]

[Scene cuts to him sitting down in forest.]

Riggles: Hey Di'!

Di'angelo: [monotone] Hey Rig.

Riggles: Why are you sad? You're usually happy, like ME! [bounces around him in a circle]

Di'angelo: 'Cause I wish everyone'd play with me...

Riggles: Oh. [stops] I'll play with you!

Di'angelo: Really? [wags Clementine] [grabs her] Sorry 'bout that.

Riggles: Sure! And, I can get everyone else to join, too! [bounces off]

Di'angelo: Hmm... she's just who I needed...

[Riggles bounces back into town]


[All of the dogs look at her and go on about their business]

Sparki: [comes up behind her] You mean that trash can?

[the dogs he was with earlier laugh]

Riggles: Yeah! It's really cozy once you get used to it!

Sparki: Okay, I'm game to see this. Come on guys.

[They walk over to Riggles' trash can]

Sparki: [distant] Now what?!


Sparki: Okay!

Di'angelo: [watching from a bush] How dare they listen to her and not me... what does she got that I don't have? Oh, yeah. That Girl Scout face...

[All of Di'angelo's friends are at Riggles' trash can]

Malti: I don't understand what Riggles' sees in this dirty thing. And, she has a HOUSE, of all things.

Sandie: What are we all waiting for anyway?

Rico: Probably some weird plan from Di'angelo to jail us all and force us to help him in his sick, twisted fantasy from some late night cartoon...

[Everyone laughs at him]

Sparki: Please. Seriously, now? Just because he's dressed like that and he's done stupid things before doesn't mean he'll do THAT. And, why would he use RIGGLES for that?

Domino: Because she always listens to him, because she look up to him?

Sparki: ... okay, that might be true.

Clover: Well, I hope there will be some jewelry involved.

Malti: That's ALL you care about.

Clover: All you care about is CLOTHES!

[Both of them start scrapping randomly]

Sparki: How much money are you betting that my girl'll win?

[The dogs start tossing money out]

Domino: This has gotten ridiculous.

Sandie: What took you so long to notice?

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